The best thing a parent can give a child is a positiveself-image.

Make him feel valuable.

Child needs to know, you love him and you care about him.

He needs appreciation and at the same time, he requiresto rebuke with the understanding that you care about him.  He must know that he will get attention only when he’ll do something good.  Do not miss any chance to appreciate him; on the other hand, ignore him for his undesirable acts.  This will help to improve your child’s self-image.

The greatest gift you can give to your child is healthy self-esteem. Children who feel valuable, and who trust themselves have positiveself-confidence. You can help your child feel valuable by spending quality time with him, playing games, reading books, or just listening. You can also help children feel valuable by helping them discover and become the person they want to be. Success follows people who genuinely like who they are.

However, happiness is more than just being successful. Helping your child gain the self-trust needed to deal with failure, loss, shame, difficulty and defeat is as important – if not more so – than succeeding or being the best.  When children trust themselves to handle pain full feelings – fear, anger and sadness – they gain an inner security that allows them to hold the world in which they live.

They must understand their feelings that gain greater autonomy (freedom) over their lives.  Feelings teach tolerance of painful feelings, children become free to enjoy their world, to feel secure in their abilities, and to be happy.  Satisfied children have the self-esteem to cope with difficulties, and in turn, become free from needless insecurities and more open to life and all its possibilities.

How to make your child gain self-esteem?

  1. He must know Allah is the only provider. He’ll never be impressed someone with worldly possessions.
  2. He must realize kullu Nafsin Zaikatul Mout. If he understands this, he will be ready to face any and every calamity.
  3. Being happy is just like being Shakir (thankful to Allah Subahanwatala). If child is thankful to Allah subahawatala, child will spend life happily.
  4. If child is sabir (person who has patience) he’ll face all problems without complaining.

Allah has given us the way to improve self-esteem. Encouragement is very important. Child should realize his position in this world.

Allah says in surah Ale Imran ayat 110:

 كُنتُمْ خَيْرَ أُمَّةٍ أُخْرِجَتْ لِلنَّاسِ تَأْمُرُونَ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ وَتَنْهَوْنَ عَنِ الْمُنكَرِ وَتُؤْمِنُونَ بِاللَّهِ ۗ 

“You are the best nation produced [as an example] for mankind. You enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong and believe in Allah.”

 

What will happen if he has a conviction that he is a member of the best ummat; he would never be impressed by non-Muslims and his self-esteem will be higher.

This aya tells us, it is not all about make him feel happy, it is about make him feel responsible too. It is not about make him feel successful; it is about teach him to face failure.  Allah says in surah Kahf Ayat no.7.

إِنَّا جَعَلْنَا مَا عَلَى الْأَرْضِ زِينَةً لَّهَا لِنَبْلُوَهُمْ أَيُّهُمْ أَحْسَنُ عَمَلًا

“Indeed, We have made that which is on the earth adornment for it that We may test them [as to] which of them is best in deed.”

 

If child knows this life is a test, he will be ready to face failure and if he learns how to deal with failure he will be a successful person.

Allah says in Surah Luqman ayat 22:

وَإِلَى اللَّهِ عَاقِبَةُ الْأُمُورِ

‘And to Allah will be the outcome of [all] matters.’

 

Rasoolullah (may peace be upon him)  Says:

“ Amazing is the state of a believer when good fortune touches him, he is grateful to Allah and when bad fortune touches him, he is patient and in both situation it is a win win situation.”(Rawahu Muslim).

Problems are inevitable but misery is optional. Problem should not worry you; it is reaction to the problem that makes you worry or not worry.  Allah says in Surat Al Balad ayat4

لَقَدْ خَلَقْنَا الْإِنسَانَ فِي كَبَدٍ

‘We have certainly created man into hardship’.

 

A famous saying:

“If your problem can be solved, don’t worry, and if your problem cannot be solved, worry will not solve it, so why worry.”

How can you inculcate these values in your child is an important question and what if your child does not listen to you? The answer is very simple.  You are failed as a leader.  You as a parent must practice what you preach.

Dear parents we need to understand that our kids are our investment not just for this world but life in the hereafter and its reward will be continued after our death as well. InshaAllah!

Remember me in your prayers!

Rizwan Hafeez